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February 10, 2009

Less supercute and more superhero

In what will I'm sure be another one of my legendary grocery store purchases, I bought a pair of olive green cotton tights at my local Whole Foods late last week. I bought them with an eye to some winter skirt wearing - taking advantage of a new and blessedly comfortable pair of boots I recently bought.

So this morning, I slithered into the tights, hitching them up and adjusting them in that morning tights dance. Over them went the just -over-mid-calf brown flat boots and the patterned olive skirt, a brown long sleeved t and a tweed blazer. When I left the house, I thought I looked kinda rockin' and I nearly swaggered down the street to my office once I exited the bus. Look at me, I thought, catching a glimpse of myself in the plate glass window of a newly empty store, hot!

But a mid-morning bathroom break changed all that. That was when I realized that the tights, rather than looking smokin', had more of a suggestion of a mid-60's superhero spoof - all cheap brightly colored tights and rounded space boots. Like Robin in that show that played in re-runs in the early 80s where Batman and Robin would subdue bad guys with visible "KaPOWs!" appearing on the screen.

But after I got over my vague discomfort at looking like some refugee from the Watchmen without the decolletage, I played a little game with myself - if I'm going to look like a low-rent superhero all day, what superhero would I be?  Eco Girl, saving the world from petroleum and pesticide, one oil baron at a time? Swamp Thing, radical preserver of wetlands? Internetia, making the world safe for all kinds of social networking? This turn out to be a vastly more amusing exercise than the other nonsense that occupied my work life today.

February 10, 2009 at 08:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 09, 2009

Missing

I do keep meaning to write things here, I do. But I just looked up and two month went by without a post.

I was thinking about this the other day, wondering "what's different?" Why am I not posting?

It doesn't seem to be for the lack of ideas, but rather the tenacity of them.  I have a thought, it sticks in my brain for 20 minutes, but before I can sit down to write it out, poof. Gone.

I think Facebook, and to a lesser extent Twitter also happened to this blog. Instead of thinking in paragraphs, I'm thinking in pithy single sentences.  Still, I feel like status updates and tweets are a shallower medium of expression and I miss the depth that this place offers.

To a degree, S, my boyfriend, also happened to this blog. It's been more than a year now and things are going well, but a lot of what I would type here gets said aloud to him, and anything that wouldn't be said aloud isn't going to be typed out, either. Plus there's the added pressure of another person's privacy to protect, as well as the fact of S's three elementary and middle school-aged daughters.  What if they find this, and read it? More so than the worry about professional exposure, I worry about them, what they would think and how they would feel to see my life written out on this blog, and their place in it.  Not that it's a bad place - not at all - but it's a complicated one, something easier to grasp when you're 20 than when you're 12.  I may wrestle often with what it means to be in the lives in a meaningful with with these three girls, and while I think it maybe interesting for the major of my readers, there's another (potential) audience that makes that kind of authenticity impossible.

So between my slippery brain and increasingly large parts of my life declared off limits, that leaves me with exercise, and of course, injuries, and art.  And I think what's happening is that that slender chunk of my life isn't quite enough to sustain this place these days.

oh, I'm not going anywhere. But it probably makes sense to read me on RSS for the foreseeable future.

February 9, 2009 at 10:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack